ever thine, ever mine, ever ours

the wedding is so close now that i can smell it.

i think this past few weeks, somehow me and my Man cant quite see eye-to-eye. orang kata tunang ni byk dugaan. Our engagement period has so far been conflict-free, alhamdulillah, but somehow as time closes in towards the wedding we seem to be...fighting more.

To be frank, he's the only one man who i've ever really cared to fight with. Seriously, my previous relationships just slowly faded away, we were too 'nice' to each other to even voice out our thoughts.

So does this mean that fighting is good?

More than often it hurts.

More than often, also, its my fault.

Probably also, it is, ALL my fault.

I kind of made a promise to myself not to be a slave for love since that disasterous breakup. But how lah? How to love only 80%, and not fully? i dont know how to love like that, i only know that i will give my all.

But my all includes...all my flaws.

:(

my dear Man,

i love you.


i love you.



i cant quite put my words together right now. but Ludwig van Beethoven's letter to his Immortal Beloved sums up what i feel right now for you.

Letter 3

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us -
I can live only wholly with you or not at all -
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits -
Yes, unhappily it must be so -
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.
And yet my life in V is now a wretched life -
Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men -
At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection?
My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once -
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -
Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig Van Beethoven-
read the rest of the love letters here