PropertyWaltz - Cerita pelaburan hartanah | Property Investment Stories: penyewaan tamat bila penjual jual rumah

PropertyWaltz - Cerita pelaburan hartanah | Property Investment Stories: penyewaan tamat bila penjual jual rumah

PropertyWaltz - Cerita pelaburan hartanah | Property Investment Stories: penyewaan tamat bila penjual jual rumah

u beli flat kat area mana?



replie@gmail.com

ever thine, ever mine, ever ours

the wedding is so close now that i can smell it.

i think this past few weeks, somehow me and my Man cant quite see eye-to-eye. orang kata tunang ni byk dugaan. Our engagement period has so far been conflict-free, alhamdulillah, but somehow as time closes in towards the wedding we seem to be...fighting more.

To be frank, he's the only one man who i've ever really cared to fight with. Seriously, my previous relationships just slowly faded away, we were too 'nice' to each other to even voice out our thoughts.

So does this mean that fighting is good?

More than often it hurts.

More than often, also, its my fault.

Probably also, it is, ALL my fault.

I kind of made a promise to myself not to be a slave for love since that disasterous breakup. But how lah? How to love only 80%, and not fully? i dont know how to love like that, i only know that i will give my all.

But my all includes...all my flaws.

:(

my dear Man,

i love you.


i love you.



i cant quite put my words together right now. but Ludwig van Beethoven's letter to his Immortal Beloved sums up what i feel right now for you.

Letter 3

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us -
I can live only wholly with you or not at all -
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits -
Yes, unhappily it must be so -
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -
Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.
And yet my life in V is now a wretched life -
Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men -
At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection?
My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once -
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together -
Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig Van Beethoven-
read the rest of the love letters here

Day 14 - my 2nd last single weekend

A lot of lists running through my brains rite now. Wedding-to-do list, mostly.

Tomorrow is the 2nd last weekend. Why am i kicking up such a fuss about it? Its not like i'll be chained down the basement after the wedding. I dont know. Its just that....i've always spent my weekends doing things that i dont plan. That's it, i dont really plan my weekends. I just go with the flow and just DO stuff as i like.

So why the big fuss lah? lalalalalallalalala

ok i'm busted. Sebenarnya trying to get the writing juice flowing. In a deep funk. Havent been writing much. Havent been thinking much either. lalalalallalalala

Really, i dont have any idea how I'll do as a wife. I hope to be at my best(isn't it eerie how if you put "a" into best, it'll turn in to BEAST?), to give my best.

Marriage is going to change me. Definitely.

A dear friend of mine, sometime this month, told me,
"dont change, stay the zaza i know"

But how? I've always thought of change as inevitable. Everything changes. The world changes. People changes. Call it evolution. Call it being more mature, or whatever. But it is inevitable, isn't it? Its how we manage the change, how we adapt to it.

The super question is - Will he love the changed version of me?

I remember a forwarded quote in an email long time ago. It goes something like this - Men marry with the expectation that the wife would never change; while women marry to change the man.

HHAHA.

I dont know yet how married life is going to change me. I dont know what to expect, living under the same roof and sleeping in one bed with a man. I've been on my own for so long, having the whole house to me alone and I've had my own room like since forever so how is it going to be when I have to share say, my wardrobe for instance? Where am i going to make space for HIS stuff? My clothes barely breathe among each other and my current wardrobe is close to exploding, hence i've moved it to the second room (konon2 walk-in wardrobe). Dont even start on my shoes. Is he going to freak out when he discovers how many shoes i own? Or that how is he going to react to my need for more shoes. Now that we're moving into a new house i did kind of pestered him about how important a built-in wardrobe is but i dont know, maybe he does not see the gravity of the situation yet, not until he sees my clothes - and how i need to have them stacked by the same color and according to tone and folded the same size. I did spend this one night not sleeping, looking at the second room in my current home and imagining having to share the same wardrobe space, thinking of the solution on how to squeeze HIS stuff amongst mine.

And how about sharing his bed? I've had my own room since i was 7 or 8. When we go back to the kampung for raya I'd always chose to sleep on the couch rather than tido ramai2 on that glorious tilam kekabu made by grandma. Bukan sebab sombong, its just that i just cant sleep with somebody breathing to my ears beside me (come to think of it, better breathing la kan dari benda2 lain. huhuhu). When me and girlfriends opted to stay on our own i've kind of had my own room because nobody wants to stay in the room at the back sebab takut hantu la apa la which is fine to me, because I've always known i like to have my own private space. I know right now i feel that his arms are made to accomodate the shape of my head. Like carved or tekap ngan sabun gitu. (I like. Heee..:p) But can HE get accustomed to me sleeping on his arms? Speaking of private space how do i create my own private space after marriage or or do i have to create one in my HEAD only or do i have to forgo it altogether?

I'm going into this marriage not with expectations of roses blooming every inch of the way. I know. Everyone wishes for a happy ending. To me, marriage is not THE happy ending, its just a happy ending of that phase of my life where I searched for love. And then the next phase of my life(or our lives) starts. How do we keep that love? How do we nurture it? I do pray & wish for bliss, happiness that I've found my missing piece of the puzzle, the feeling that i am Whole. Complete. But on daily, worldly matters i know there's bound to be some bumps la kan, accomodations have to be made. For mine AND his needs. I dont think it comes naturally, i think it involves some hard work since we both have that quite strong personalities. I just hope along the way, in the process, we would be patient enough with each other to still remember that I am made for him, and he, for me. Everybody is flawed in some ways because no one single human being is perfect.

I guess its the deep cynic in me speaking. On the other hand Miss Jiwang inside me doesnt really help me in this situation by feeling scared shitless because its my whole life, my whole future, my whole heart is at stake. If he leaves me then I'd surely crumble. Its a whole new ballgame. Being ditched when you're just in a relationship is okay, i guess. We're bound to bounce back eventhough we sink to the bottommest (got such a word ah?) sediment in the ocean. But after marriage? After i've given EVERYTHING, after making him and our family the mecca of all decisions? Seriously, if he leaves me i think i'd just prefer to die. When he first came into my life i'm just a merely gam-kanji-ed put together soul, if he leaves it would all be.......god, i'm already crumbling at the thought of it. Dont entertain those thoughts, that's what he would say. I think its easy for him. He's always so sure of things. And i'm like, always so scared of things. He always knows what he wants of anything and everything. And i'm like, erm, okay, lets go with this or that. He's always showing me that he loves me, and i'm like, i dont know if i've ever shown him what he expects me to show. But I do know what i want - i want him in my life. For my life, for life.

Like i said, i'll pray hard, that along the way we would be patient enough with each other, steadfast with our love. I might not be the perfect woman, but i do hope i can be enough for him.

lalalalalalallallalaa....pop pop..lalalalalalallalala

Heh...i'm SURE every bride to be have something similar for jitters. I'm pretty sure of that. Or do they really? Erm, what if they dont and its just me? If its just me, that is what i'm feeling right? Is it right to be so much in love and have so much hope but in the same time feeling so fucking scared?


Maybe i should just listen to Peter Grant tonight and float away.


Heh.

Escapism. What a gift.